Taliah's Journey of Healing with Tulia After Domestic Abuse
Taliah, a 33-year-old woman, shares her journey toward healing and independence after experiencing domestic abuse within her marriage. Initially unaware of her situation, Taliah sought help through Tulia, a support organization recommended by her husband’s cousin. Struggling with low depression and fears about her immigration status, she found solace through counselling and various support groups facilitated by Tulia. Taliah successfully applied for Indefinite Leave to Remain, experiencing immense relief and newfound hope for her future. Grateful for the emotional and practical assistance she received, she encourages others facing similar challenges to seek help, emphasizing that love should never hurt and that there are better options available. Despite the pandemic limiting in-person interactions, Taliah cherishes the supportive friendships she has formed through Tulia and remains committed to her journey of rebuilding her life.
How did you first hear about Tulia?
Through my husband’s cousin, she could see how I was being treated by my husband, so she was like, “Oh do you want to contact them? I just have this number, can you just try to call, maybe you might get help.” In 2018
I considered calling them and then I just said “Ah is this gonna work or not?” And then I decided, no I’m not going to do this.
Then I heard about them more through testimonies, learned what Tulia do on their website and Facebook, that’s how I came to know them more.
So then in early 2019 I called.
What was your situation like before?
I was struggling with a lot of things and I didn’t know I was under domestic abuse. I thought to me it was normal, but at the same time I wouldn’t feel happy. I was hopeless. I thought maybe when you just like grow up in an African like set up you were just taught to ‘soldier on’, that’s life, that’s marriage. That’s what I thought yet in myself I wasn’t feeling happy, and I was saying even if I ‘soldier on’ in this kind of marriage, am I going to survive in this like?
I was going through low depression and sometimes I feeling weak. It was a lot that I was going through. I thought that was the end of me by then. That’s when I just I reached for help. Then I told my story and Rumbidzai said, “You are under abuse.” And to me it was like something that was now normal, which was actually abnormal.
When you are under spousal visa, you are under control of someone, so that was the most thing that I was afraid of, so I wanted to change my Immigration status as well.
I had thought of leaving my marriage before because it wasn’t even working yeah but what I was afraid of was my immigration status and I was afraid to be deported to Zimbabwe and I was thinking by myself if I get deported to Zimbabwe how am I going to survive the society? People are named as like a ‘proper one’ when they’ve got a husband or a wife in our country. So, I was thinking one: they’ll about me as deported and divorced and go back to my family house, so to me it was like a death to me. That’s what I was like that was in my mind, how am I going to face people? How am I going to face the church, because I was active in the church before I came here, so what are people going to say, it’s only just 2 years that we got married, and out of marriage and I go to Zimbabwe where I started? Even the economic situation is really really bad, no jobs, no work so how am I going to start-no job, no husband, no everything. So, like oh my God if I got deported what am I going to do?
So, when I called Rumbi I said is there any other chance, will I get papers with my situation like this? Cause honestly I can’t breathe I can’t stay another two-and-a-half-years for me to get an indefinite leave to stay still with this husband.
And so, it was really difficult and I thought that was the end of me and Rumbi just told me that yeah there’s a way you can get it. She said yeah you can get papers. But I was afraid, I thought for me it was 50-50, am I going to get it or not? I wouldn’t even sleep.
What steps did Tulia take with your situation?
At first Rumbi introduced me to counselling with Dr Tazarurwa. She was supposed to do six sessions only with me, but she even extended them because I was broken down and honestly, I don’t want to lie I even, I didn’t have a penny. It was all through Tulia, they were the ones who paid for it. It was really something else, when you’re just like dead you just don’t know to get through, but she led me through with counselling.
Rumbi introduced to me- Freedom Ministry, and after I got my papers there was another group, Success After Divorce, that I was invited to as well.
So, Tulia have really supported me like emotionally and with everything honestly. When you have got no one- even to a point my family doesn’t even support me like how Tulia did. To the group and people, have become a family to me, so I really appreciate that.
What improvements or highlights have there been?
Thank God for Tulia, they helped me through a lot, not even like just getting papers but even through counselling.
When I thought this was the end of my life, that this was my death. I wasn’t thinking of anything else, and so many other thoughts can come in your mind. But when you meet some other people through Freedom Support Group! I met some other people who are single like me and we work together, share our stories and you feel encouraged. So, it helps me a lot and honestly, I don’t know how to say thank you to Tulia, because they’ve done a lot for me.
I had been in the UK for 2 and a half years- two years and three months- in the UK, and when I moved out of my marriage, I was supposed to renew for my second term. I was supposed to renew November but by then I had moved out of the house in September.
When I just got out of the marriage, they do a DDV for three months, so in those three months I was supposed to apply for Indefinite Leave to Remain, before the DDV expires. I applied for Indefinite Leave to Remain on December 15th 2020.
It was a relief, when I got my Indefinite Leave to Remain, in February this year, when I saw the message on my email that I have Indefinite Leave to Remain- oh my God instead of jumping I sat down on the floor. I was floored. I couldn’t believe myself! I was at work and I just was in the corridor like on the floor.
I still have hopes for the future, now I’m just starting living my life. I’ve got the stresses off my shoulders and I’m just like any other one else. If you’ve got Indefinite Leave what else do you want? I’ve got all the opportunities as any other people here. I want to study and even through this thing that Tulia have introduced us to success after marriage, it doesn’t necessarily mean that’s the end of me. I’ve got another chance to start a family as well, I’m like anyone else there.
Would you recommend the service to others?
Yeah, definitely. I remember that I’ve got another two people that I’ve referred to them, because I honestly say this, even at work I can share what I went through, and who helped me and I remember the other two people that have asked me who is the person who helped you, and I just give them contact and I say just try you don’t have to suffocate, you don’t have to suffer, you don’t have to die in marriage. If someone is not treating you well, treating you like an animal- that is not love. You’ve got a chance of getting love. You have a chance to start afresh, even if you don’t have papers there are so many ways. People they die you know, they end up being like-they die honestly, they’ll just like all because of papers maybe someone will be beaten until to death, they suffer in silence just in the name of marriage- love should not hurt, you should feel love. Not someone who- because they brought you here- they make you work like mad, then like can you imagine someone? Call that love? No that’s not love.…when someone is not loving you, you end up doing all sorts of things it isn’t worth it. So, I just thank God for Tulia, they’ve helped me so much.
In which ways could Tulia’s services improve?
It’s only because of covid restrictions, but I would be happy to just meet the people that we have been in groups with. To meet and to celebrate and do something that is really good, but I know it’s only just because of the lockdown. For now, I can still communicate with other members, we can even to an extent talk about when we’ve met someone new, or give relationship advice.
I’ve found friends in that group honestly and it’s something amazing, that when you didn’t even have it before, you can find support.
Even sometimes when I’m a little depressed, because sometimes these things can give you flashbacks, I can call someone. I can call anyone from the group and say this is really difficult for me and everyone will be supporting me. If I call Rumbi, even if she’s really busy, she can call you back it’s amazing.
And now they’re going through my divorce annulment and I said I’m not going to another lawyer or someone else, I said I’m going there to Tulia.
Please note: The names and identifying details of the clients featured in these testimonials have been anonymized to protect their privacy and confidentiality.
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